Storm-tossed

 “O afflicted one, storm-tossed and not comforted, behold. . ."    

(Isaiah 54:11a ESV)

"And behold, there arose a great storm on the sea, so that the boat was being swamped by the waves; but he was asleep." 

 (Matthew 8:24 ESV)

faint heart

a snowflake on the tongue

its frozen splendour gone

in an instant 

a shattered mirror

the shards that pierce

I am the snow queen

yet winter streams still run

liquid fire beneath the ice 

snow is falling like stars

like the ashes of hope

burnt up in reentry

let it blanket my throbbing autumn heart

soft its edges with pale feathers

cool its ardours once again

make me a winter waste land

freeze my fears into nothingness

Sometimes it is easier to be Naomi than Ruth. Sometimes hope is hard. Sometimes emotional hypothermia seems easier than feeling every pin prick. Like Job I say "I am not at ease, nor am I quiet; I have no rest, but trouble comes.” (Job 3:26 ESV) And yet, "the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words."(Romans 8:26 ESV)

[81] My soul longs for your salvation; 
I hope in your word.
[82] My eyes long for your promise;
I ask, “When will you comfort me? 

(Psalm 119:81-82 ESV)

[25] And they went and woke him, saying, “Save us, Lord; we are perishing” [26] And he said to them, “Why are you afraid, O you of little faith?” Then he rose and rebuked the winds and the sea, and there was a great calm.

(Matthew 8:25-26 ESV)

[5] For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence 

for my hope is from him.

[6] He only is my rock and my salvation,

my fortress; I shall not be shaken.

[7] On God rests my salvation and my glory;

my mighty rock, my refuge is God.

[8] Trust in him at all times, O people;

pour out your heart before him;

God is a refuge for us. Selah

(Psalm 62:5-8 ESV)

Leave Me Tomorrow

Dost Thou Not Care?

I love and love not: Lord, it breaks my heart

  To love and not to love.

Thou veiled within Thy glory, gone apart

  Into Thy shrine, which is above,

Dost Thou not love me, Lord, or care

  For this mine ill? —

I love thee here or there,

  I will accept thy broken heart, lie still.

Lord, it was well with me in time gone by

  That cometh not again,

When I was fresh and cheerful, who but I?

  I fresh, I cheerful: worn with pain

Now, out of sight and out of heart;

  O Lord, how long? —

I watch thee as thou art,

  I will accept thy fainting heart, be strong.

‘Lie still,’ ‘be strong,’ today; but, Lord, tomorrow,

  What of tomorrow, Lord?

Shall there be rest from toil, be truce from sorrow,

  Be living green upon the sward

Now but a barren grave to me,

  Be joy for sorrow? —

Did I not die for thee?

  Did I not live for thee? Leave Me tomorrow. 

~Christina Rossetti

Wilderness: Part 4 “Running Away”

1 Kings 19:1-18 ESV

1 Ahab told Jezebel all that Elijah had done, and how he had killed all the prophets with the sword. 2 Then Jezebel sent a messenger to Elijah, saying, So may the gods do to me and more also, if I do not make your life as the life of one of them by this time tomorrow. 3 Then he was afraid, and he arose and ran for his life and came to Beersheba, which belongs to Judah, and left his servant there. 4 But he himself went a day’s journey into the wilderness and came and sat down under a broom tree. And he asked that he might die, saying, It is enough; now, O Lord, take away my life, for I am no better than my fathers. 5 And he lay down and slept under a broom tree. And behold, an angel touched him and said to him, Arise and eat. 6 And he looked, and behold, there was at his head a cake baked on hot stones and a jar of water. And he ate and drank and lay down again. 7 And the angel of the Lord came again a second time and touched him and said, Arise and eat, for the journey is too great for you. 8 And he arose and ate and drank, and went in the strength of that food forty days and forty nights to Horeb, the mount of God.

9 There he came to a cave and lodged in it. And behold, the word of the Lord came to him, and he said to him, What are you doing here, Elijah? 10 He said, I have been very jealous for the Lord, the God of hosts. For the people of Israel have forsaken your covenant, thrown down your altars, and killed your prophets with the sword, and I, even I only, am left, and they seek my life, to take it away. 11 And he said, Go out and stand on the mount before the Lord. And behold, the Lord passed by, and a great and strong wind tore the mountains and broke in pieces the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. And after the wind an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. 12 And after the earthquake a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire the sound of a low whisper. 13 And when Elijah heard it, he wrapped his face in his cloak and went out and stood at the entrance of the cave. And behold, there came a voice to him and said, What are you doing here, Elijah? 14 He said, I have been very jealous for the Lord, the God of hosts. For the people of Israel have forsaken your covenant, thrown down your altars, and killed your prophets with the sword, and I, even I only, am left, and they seek my life, to take it away. 15 And the Lord said to him, Go, return on your way to the wilderness of Damascus. And when you arrive, you shall anoint Hazael to be king over Syria. 16 And Jehu the son of Nimshi you shall anoint to be king over Israel, and Elisha the son of Shaphat of Abel-meholah you shall anoint to be prophet in your place. 17 And the one who escapes from the sword of Hazael shall Jehu put to death, and the one who escapes from the sword of Jehu shall Elisha put to death. 18 Yet I will leave seven thousand in Israel, all the knees that have not bowed to Baal, and every mouth that has not kissed him. (italics mine)

Elijah flees, afraid for his life, yet, a day’s journey into the wilderness, he asks God to “take away” his life, claiming, “It is enough.” The phrase is a foreshadowing of Christ’s “It is finished”, but Christ’s work was complete, truly finished, while Elijah’s is “enough” only in his estimation. Yet God takes pity on him, and feeds him, two times telling him to “Arise and eat.” After his journey (40 days and 40 nights, yet another foreshadowing of Christ, this time of his time being tempted in the wilderness), he lodges in a cave. It seems as though he takes up residence there for a time.

God comes to him, and asks “What are you doing here, Elijah?” Elijah whines out that “those unbelievers are trying to kill me, the only prophet left.”

God doesn’t reply to this obvious excuse, but instead tells Elijah to “Go out and stand on the mountain before the Lord.” Elijah obeys and is shown three powerful elements–wind, earthquake, and fire. But the Lord is in none of these. Then he hears “the sound of a low whisper” a small, still voice–This is the Lord.

Once again the Lord asks “What are you doing here, Elijah?” And Elijah repeats verbatim his first answer to the question. And again the Lord tells him to “Go,” but this time sends him away–he is sent to “the wilderness of Damascus”–he has a job to do there.

All this time, Elijah has been in the wrong wilderness!!

He ran away, afraid to be killed for his faith, yet asks the Lord to take away his life. Elijah has been hiding in the wilderness. He excuses his actions–they want to kill me–forgetting that his life is not in his own hands, but in God’s Hands. Only God has control over it. And God has the right to command him–whether to life or to death. Elijah has the duty to obey–no questions, no trying to hide from something he can’t control–no excuses. God shows him that even one still, small voice is important–that he cares for that voice–feeding it so that it will not faint and die on the journey–40 days and 40 nights. God doesn’t have it in for Elijah, and Elijah is not left to Jezebel’s whims–God is always in control. But Elijah must reminded of this, even after the great acts he did in God’s name just before this (see preceding chapter).

Sometimes God calls, allures, us into the wilderness to commune with Him–sometimes we run there, trying to escape His plans, and hiding from His purpose for us. We think–I’d rather die by God’s Hands, than by “others”, forgetting that we always die when God decrees it. We can never hide from death because God is in control of both our living and our dying.

Are you in the wilderness because God has allured you there or because you are hiding from His purpose? Ask–Am I being refreshed and thriving here or am I parched and withering?

God “knows our frame; he remembers that we are dust.” (Ps. 103:14) He feeds us in the wilderness, even when we are trying to leave Him, trying to run away.

When we run away from God’s will for us, we enter the wrong wilderness, a wilderness where there are no living streams to quench our thirst–we enter a wilderness of our own making, a wilderness away from God. Yet, thanks be, God “never leaves us or forsakes us,” even though we may try to leave Him. He is so merciful, even repeating Himself to get the message into our thick skulls and stony hearts. Looking at the above passage, we can see that repetition plays a large role. God doesn’t leave us alone; He wants us with HIM.

Elijah was fleeing from Jezebel, who desired to kill him. We may be fleeing our own Jezebel–those sinful parts of us that want to kill off the good. However, we can also be fleeing what is right–standing up against our evil nature. We chicken out, running away from the situation, pretending it doesn’t exist and praying for God to “take us now,” so that we don’t have to fight anymore. We don’t like killing ourselves, our old nature–that would be self-sacrifice–something we really don’t like. Our old nature is so attractive, after all. We’d rather run away and avoid the situation, than face it and die. When we run away from the fight, we are running away from God. We don’t, it seems, think He is worth our life. So rather than do the right thing, even though it will cost us something important, we run like cowards, and wonder why God has “left” us alone.

We must pray:

Ps. 139

[1] O LORD, you have searched me and known me!

[2] You know when I sit down and when I rise up;

you discern my thoughts from afar.

[3] You search out my path and my lying down

and are acquainted with all my ways.

[4] Even before a word is on my tongue,

behold, O LORD, you know it altogether.

[5] You hem me in, behind and before,

and lay your hand upon me.

[6] Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;

it is high; I cannot attain it.

[7] Where shall I go from your Spirit?

Or where shall I flee from your presence?

[8] If I ascend to heaven, you are there!

If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there!

[9] If I take the wings of the morning

and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,

[10] even there your hand shall lead me,

and your right hand shall hold me.

[11] If I say, “Surely the darkness shall cover me,

and the light about me be night,”

[12] even the darkness is not dark to you;

the night is bright as the day,

for darkness is as light with you.

[13] For you formed my inward parts;

you knitted me together in my mother's womb.

[14] I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

Wonderful are your works;

my soul knows it very well.

[15] My frame was not hidden from you,

when I was being made in secret,

intricately woven in the depths of the earth.

[16] Your eyes saw my unformed substance;

in your book were written, every one of them,

the days that were formed for me,

when as yet there was none of them.

[17] How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!

How vast is the sum of them!

[18] If I would count them, they are more than the sand.

I awake, and I am still with you.

[19] Oh that you would slay the wicked, O God!

O men of blood, depart from me!

[20] They speak against you with malicious intent;

your enemies take your name in vain.

[21] Do I not hate those who hate you, O LORD?

And do I not loathe those who rise up against you?

[22] I hate them with complete hatred;

I count them my enemies.

[23] Search me, O God, and know my heart!

Try me and know my thoughts!

[24] And see if there be any grievous way in me,

and lead me in the way everlasting!

(Psalm 139 ESV)

Ps. 143:8,10 “Let me hear in the morning of your steadfast love, for in you I trust. Make me to know the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul…10 Teach me to do your will, for you are my God! Let your good Spirit lead me on level ground.”

Wilderness: Part 3 “Therefore, behold, I will allure her”

Even so would he have allured thee out of the jaws of distress into a broad place, where there is no straitness; and the supply of thy table [would be] full of fatness. Job 36:16 (Darby Translation)

Even so would he have removed thee out of the strait into a broad place, where there is no straitness; and that which should be set on thy table should be full of fatness. Job 36:16 (KJV)

Indeed, God would have allured you out of the mouth of distress into a broad place where there is no situation of perplexity or privation; and that which would be set on your table would be full of fatness.
Job 36:16 (Amplified Bible)

Then indeed, He enticed you from the mouth of distress, Instead of it, a broad place with no constraint;
And that which was set on your table was full of fatness. Job 36:16 (New American Standard)

Indeed, He lured you from the jaws [a] of distress to a spacious and unconfined place. Your table was spread with choice food. ([a]Lit from a mouth of narrowness) Job 36:16 (Holman Christian Standard)

The word in the above Bible verse is translated in various ways: allured, lured, enticed, removed. At first I thought that this was the same word as used in Hosea 2:14 (Therefore, behold, I will allure her….), however, this, I discovered, is not the case. I went looking for different verses using this word and discovered that the word translated “allure” in Hosea 2:14 (pathah) is completely different than that in Job 36:16 and is used in more pejorative contexts, particularly those involving deceit and persuasion. The word “allured/removed/lured/enticed” in Job 36:16 (cuwth) is also used in contexts of persuasion, but it actually is a more literal translation in that it does mean “allure, entice” (it can also be used when someone instigates someone to evil). The definition of the second word (cuwth) does not involve seduction(the first, pathah, does); this word seems to apply to a more forthright type of persuasion, rather than one of deceit/trickery.

It is interesting that it is the deceitful/seductive “allure” that is used in Hosea 2:14. Because Israel is so foolish, God must seduce her into the wilderness, playing on her gullibility and sensuality (she has gone “whoring” after other gods) to get her alone with Him.

This makes sense when viewed in light of a following verse, Hosea 2: 16: And it shall be at that day, saith the Lord, that thou shalt call me Ishi, and shalt call me no more Baali.

Ishi means in this context (see KJV) “Husband”, while Baali means “My Lord” or “Master” (Baal is also the name of a heathen god). Israel views the Lord as a taskmaster who has laid requirements upon her, while He wants to be her Husband and His laws are only just. Israel (and all man) broke God’s laws in the Garden of Eden, ate of the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil, and now has to live by laws. If Man had not fallen, we would not have to have laws: we would have lived by God’s will naturally.

Israel’s rightful Husband must seduce his Bride in order to get the chance to regain her affections.

In Job 36:16, God removes Israel from a place of want (“strait” place, “mouth of distress”, “mouth of narrowness”) to a broad place where all her needs are met. Her appetite is sated with fat. (Besides being very desirable in a situation of starvation, fat is also a wonderful vehicle for flavour. God gives His people sustenance and savour in the food He puts before her. In the old temple sacrifices, God always required the fat, the part with the most caloric value.)

God allures Israel from the jaws of distress. Israel doesn’t want to leave, even though she is starving. God has to persuade her, entice her, from a place of want. He lures her to a place where she has plenty to eat. This applies to physical needs as well as spiritual ones.

Wilderness: Part 2 “A Refuge in the Wilderness”

Therefore, behold, I will allure her, and bring her into the wilderness, and speak comfortably unto her.

Hosea 2:14 KJV

Who is that coming up from the wilderness, leaning on her beloved? Song of Solomon 8:5a ESV

And I said, Oh that I had wings like a dove! for then would I fly away, and be at rest. Lo, then would I wander far off, and remain in the wilderness. Selah. I would hasten my escape from the windy storm and tempest. Ps. 55:6-8 KJV

The wilderness is not just a place of desolation, but also a place of refuge. God leads us, “allures” us into the wilderness to be alone with us. The wilderness is a place of silence and rest. It is harsh and apparently barren, but it is also a place to be alone in meditation, away from the bustle and noise of everyday life (“the windy storm and tempest” that buffets us). We can listen in the wilderness, like Elijah, for that “still, small voice” which is the voice of God(1 Kings 19:12).

Before Christ began his ministry, directly after his baptism, he spent time in the wilderness, forty days and forty nights. “And Jesus being full of the Holy Ghost returned from Jordan, and was led by the Spirit into the wilderness”(Luke 4:1). Christ was tempted of the devil there, it was a time of testing, as it often is for us as well; however, later Christ went away from the crowds to pray and commune with God. “And when he had sent the multitudes away, he went up into a mountain apart to pray: and when the evening was come, he was there alone” (Matt. 14:23). An apparently barren place becomes a fruitful place of prayer.

Being led, allured, into the wilderness does not mean that our spiritual life is put on hold, while we struggle through a desert on our own, beset by the temptation to give up and yield to the seductions of the world. God brings us into the wilderness to “speak comfortably” to us, as an alternate translation(Darby) says, “to speak to [our] heart[s]“. 

The silence allows us to hear Him speak; in the wilderness His voice is not drowned out by the tempests and distractions of the world. By the grace of God, we can find wells of life-giving water in the wilderness, like Hagar(“And God opened her eyes, and she saw a well of water” Gen. 21:19a).

We must be careful to take advantage of our wilderness times and use them to grow closer to God, rather than away from Him. Prayer is important here and meditation on God’s word. Sometimes, it will seem that God is not listening to us and we will beg like David,“Hear my prayer, O Lord, and give ear unto my cry; hold not thy peace at my tears: for I am a stranger with thee, and a sojourner, as all my fathers were”(Ps. 39:12), and claim like him that God has promised that “He will fulfill the desire of them that fear him: he also will hear their cry, and will save them” (Ps. 145:19). 

We must not become discouraged, but let God pursue us even as we pursue Him.

Wilderness: Part 1 “And speak to her heart”

“Therefore, behold, I will allure her,and bring her into the wilderness, and speak tenderly to her.

(Hosea 2:14 ESV)

For the LORD comforts Zion; he comforts all her waste places and makes her wilderness like Eden, her desert like the garden of the LORD; joy and gladness will be found in her, thanksgiving and the voice of song. (Isaiah 51:3 ESV)

In Hosea 2:14, we told that we are brought by God into the wilderness. The wilderness is usually regarded as a bleak place, scarce of water and harsh. But God takes His Bride there, the Bride that had run from Him to other lovers, in order to be alone with her, to woo her back to Him. The last portion of the verse speaks of this. It says “I will…speak comfortably unto her” (KJV) or as another translation puts it, “I will…speak to her heart” (Darby). The Hebrew word translated as “comfortably” in the KJV, actually means “inner man, mind, will, heart”, so the Darby translation really is closer in meaning to the original (as far as I can discover).

The heart is the centre of a person; it is our most vulnerable spot. I am not talking physically, though this is also true, but mentally, spiritually. When God speaks to our heart, He speaks to us, the true “us”, the one that hides behind the things we can do and the life we lead and the ambitions we pursue. He speaks to the real “me”, that core of soul that makes me “me” — and He uses words of love.

My beloved spake, and said unto me, Rise up, my love, my fair one, and come away. For, lo, the winter is past, the rain is over and gone; The flowers appear on the earth; the time of the singing of birds is come, and the voice of the turtle is heard in our land; The fig tree putteth forth her green figs, and the vines with the tender grape give a good smell. Arise, my love, my fair one, and come away.
Song of Solomon 2:10-13 (KJV)

The word “speak” in Hebrew, Dabar, has many interpretations, declare, speak, command, converse, threaten, warn –some rather chilly, disturbing words– but there are some more meanings, “promise” and, surprisingly, “sing”. In this context (“My beloved spake”), singing would fit the context as well as the poetry. We are crooned to by God, wooed with love poetry. Twice, we are begged to “Arise, my love, my fair one, and come away.”

God wants to be our loving Husband, but we keep running away. So He takes us into the desert, where we have no luxuries to distract us. He wants all our attention focused on Him. We are to look to Him for everything necessary for life in the desert — food and water. But God is not stingy. He doesn’t starve us.

In Isaiah 51:3, He says that He will comfort us. The wilderness shall become like the garden of the Lord, like Eden.

The wilderness and the solitary place shall be glad for them; and the desert shall rejoice, and blossom as the rose. Isaiah 35:1

He brought me to the banqueting house, and his banner over me was love. Song of Solomon 2:4

A place of barrenness becomes a banqueting house when Love brings us there.

The next verse in Hosea 2 speaks of Israel singing in the desert, which is now become fruitful–literally.

God does not only give His Bride water, but wine (vineyards).

 And there I will give her her vineyards and make the Valley of Achor a door of hope. And there she shall answer as in the days of her youth, as at the time when she came out of the land of Egypt. (Hosea 2:15 ESV)

A place of trouble, the valley of Achor, where Achan and his family were stoned after he stole goods from the city of Jericho, becomes a door of hope. The place where we stole from God (stole the glory and love that is rightfully His as our true Husband, giving it away to false lovers) becomes the scene of reconciliation and grace. New hope will spring up here, a new life with Christ as our Ishi, our Husband.

Amazing Love

A lot is said about love in Christian circles. Many of Christians probably have their favourite verse or verses on love. John 3:16 comes to mind. There is even the well-known "Love" chapter, 1 Corinthians 13,  to refer to if we can't find an appropriate one fast enough.

There are so many verses on love in the Bible, that we can, perhaps, become used to them at times. Oh, we think, another verse about love.

Love, love, love.

Love is used so often in everyday conversation and it can be used so thoughtlessly that it can become, at times, just another four-letter word. And that is all that it is—unless--we remember that love is, first and foremost, an action verb.

Love is not just something we have—it is something we DO.

What does it really mean to lovesomeone? We could find millions of examples in literature and history. However, we might see it every day, but not really see it. How do we know what love in action really looks like?

We can see love in action most clearly by looking at Christ.

• He humbled Himself in order to love His people.
• He loved those unlovable people, who made life difficult for Him.
• He loved His friends, even when they let Him down.
• He loved His chosen people, even when they rejected Him.
• He loved even in the depths of hellish pain and agony and death.

And why? Because we needed it—we "needit every hour".

And He keeps loving His people despite their shortcomings.

In Psalm 36 (ESV), the Psalmist says:

5 “Your steadfast love, O Lord, extends to the heavens, your faithfulness to the clouds."

7 “How precious is your steadfast love, O God! The children of mankind take refuge in the shadow of your wings.”

The extent of this love is truly amazing and awe-inspiring! The fact that, despite our down-right unlovable-ness, we are still loved by God and He saves us from ourselves is something to make one sink to their knees in wonder. 

He. Loves. Me. 

Really? Me? The one who grumbles and whines about how hard-done by  she is? The one who inwardly is spiteful and haughty and condescending?  The one who has so many times forgotten Him? The one who doesn't love her neighbour as herself most, if not all, of the time? 

And yet, He loves me. 

As I thought about love, I put some new things on my mental to-do list. Some things I need to remember to do as I go through the rest of the year:

1. I need to love people even when I don't feel like it.
2. Love when they don't love me back.
3. Love even when it hurts.
4. Love because they need it.
5. Love because He first loved me. 
   
   
   
   
    
   
   
   
   
   And can it be that I should gain
   An interest in the Savior’s blood?
   Died He for me, who caused His pain—
   For me, who Him to death pursued?
   Amazing love! How can it be,
   That Thou, my God, shouldst die for me?
   Amazing love! How can it be,
   That Thou, my God, shouldst die for me?
   
   
   
   
   
   He left His Father’s throne above
   So free, so infinite His grace—
   Emptied Himself of all but love,
   And bled for Adam’s helpless race:
   ’Tis mercy all, immense and free,
   For O my God, it found out me!
   ’Tis mercy all, immense and free,
   For O my God, it found out me!
   
   
   
   
   
   Long my imprisoned spirit lay,
   Fast bound in sin and nature’s night;
   Thine eye diffused a quickening ray—
   I woke, the dungeon flamed with light;
   My chains fell off, my heart was free,
   I rose, went forth, and followed Thee.
   My chains fell off, my heart was free,
   I rose, went forth, and followed Thee.
   
   
   
   
   
   No condemnation now I dread;
   Jesus, and all in Him, is mine;
   Alive in Him, my living Head,
   And clothed in righteousness divine,
   Bold I approach th’eternal throne,
   And claim the crown, through Christ my own.
   Bold I approach th’eternal throne,
   And claim the crown, through Christ my own.
   
   
   Charles Wesley 1738
   
   
   
   
   
   

The Choice to Fear or. . .

Unless I have had sometime to think about it and get used to the idea, I don't like change. I've been like this since day one apparently, since my poor mother tells me that when I was about four or five, if she didn't lay out all the possible variables in our itinerary for a day of shopping in advance, I would have a meltdown. What do you mean we have to go to The Bay because Sears didn't have the right shoes? You didn't tell me that! But, but, but --aaaah! I just couldn't handle the change.

Not liking change also means I am a worrier. If I don't know how things are going to play out in a future event or activity, I worry. Not in a "oh dear, life as I know it is ending" kind of style, but I anxiously try to anticipate every possible outcome, attempting to prepare myself for any eventuality.

Evidently, it is a deeply embedded part of my character and part of being a strong introvert. However, I think it is also a bad spiritual habit. This was drawn to my attention in a powerful way by the book I have been reading the last couple weeks. The following quote really struck a chord with me:

Not knowing is hard. . . . The fact of the matter is that we find questions of the future hard to deal with because we find it difficult to trust God. The One that we have said we've put our trust in knows everything about the future because he controls every aspect of it. Our fear of the future exposes the struggle we have to trust him and, in trusting him, to rest in his guidance and care, even though we don't really know what is coming next. Awe of God really is the only way to be free of fear of what is coming next. When my trust in God is greater than my fear of the unknown, I will be able to rest, even though I don't have a clue what will greet me around the corner.
. . .
Because we all tend at points to suffer from God amnesia, because we live in a fallen world, and because we do not write our own stories, being ruled by fear is always a clear and present danger. (Paul Tripp, Dangerous Calling 134-5)

I think that a lot of the time we react to things in our lives in our "default" setting, this state of "God amnesia," rather than choosing to trust in God's providence and sovereignty over our lives. It is a choice to trust Him.

Paul Tripp points out a few pages later, that we too often look "horizontally . . . for what can only be found vertically." He says that we are in "a glory war, a battle for what glory will rule [our] hearts and, in so doing, control [our] choices, words, and behaviors" (139-40).

Every time I default to worrying incessantly or choose to bring my fear of not-knowing and change (again and again) to the God who controls every detail of my existence and the existence of the universe, my choice is part of this glory war. It might not be that I recognize that this is a choice. Habits are habits, after all. Unless I choose to change (oh the irony!) my habits, I will be sabotaging my Christian walk with my choice to operate in my default setting.

I have to consciously choose to trust that God has planned what is best for me. I can't run ahead of Him and try to anticipate what He is doing. If I do not live in the physical and spiritual "now" where He has placed me, I am trying to take over His role as Omniscient God.

I am called to be a follower, not a leader; I am Christ's disciple, not His master. He is the Shepherd; I am His sheep. I need to cultivate a habit of trust in God's unfailing love for His people. 

As Moses said the Israelites before they crossed the Jordan, "It is the LORD who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed." (Deuteronomy 31:8 ESV)

Christ said, “Let not your hearts be troubled. Believe in God; believe also in me. In my Father's house are many rooms. If it were not so, would I have told you that I go to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and will take you to myself, that where I am you may be also. And you know the way to where I am going.”

(John 14:1-4 ESV)

Christ has gone before me and has prepared a place; God will fulfill His purpose for me (Ps 138:8). I do not need to worry about will come. It is all taken care of.

Waiting like Abraham

 No unbelief made him waver concerning the promise of God, but he grew strong in his faith as he gave glory to God, fully convinced that God was able to do what he had promised.

(Romans 4:20-21 ESV)

Consider what is said of Abraham in Romans 4. He was chosen by God to receive his covenant promises. He was told that his offspring would be like the sand on the seashore. Yet his wife was a very old woman, way, way beyond childbearing age, and he had not yet given birth to the son who would carry on his line. Romans 4 tells us something very significant about Abraham's heart. Think about it: when you and I are called by God to wait for an extended period as Abraham was, often for us our story of waiting is a chronicle of ever-weakening faith. The longer we have time to think about what we are waiting for, the longer we have time to consider how we have no ability to deliver it; and the longer we have to let ourselves wonder why we have been selected to wait, the more our faith weakens. But not so with Abraham. We're told in this passage that during this time of protracted waiting, his faith actually grew stronger, and the passage tells us why. Rather than meditating on the impossibility of his situation, Abraham meditated on the power and the character of the One who had made the promise. The more Abraham let his heart bask in the glory of God, the more convinced he became that he was in good hands. Rather than a cycle of discouragement and hopelessness, Abraham's story was one of encouragement and hope. Why? Because he meditated on the right thing. [italics mine]

Paul David Tripp, Dangerous Calling: Confronting the Unique 

Challenges of Pastoral Ministry 65-66

"I can't wait" can be a dangerous statement to make too often. Any time we try to anticipate the future, and stop living where we are now, we risk living in discontent. "I can't wait" can too quickly become "I won't wait," and then our rebellious heart is off and away on a power trip that will only end in heartache and disappointment.

We can live in such a way, in such discontent, that it is almost as though we are trying to force God's hand, trying to make Him give us what we are waiting for. We treat that "thing" (marriage, work, children, etc.) as our goal or our reward for good behaviour, and we sulk when we don't get what we want. "I've been waiting forever! Why can't I just have it now?"

We might live in continual anticipation of our fairy tale dreams coming true. We head out to that Bible study or young people's evening "just in case" we might meet "the one," and keep our eyes peeled for him/her, while forgetting the actual purpose of the event.

We might try to find ways to "help" God to fulfill His promises. We force relationships, we take that mediocre job, or we make other choices based on what we want, rather than waiting to see what God will bring us, what He has planned. Abraham made this mistake and experienced the heartache which comes with trying "help" God fulfill His promise: he ended up having to send his first-born son, Ishmael--not the son of promise, but the son of the flesh (Galatians 4:23)--away with Hagar. When we try to "help" God with our "problem," we are not resting in His providence or trusting His sovereignty over our lives. We are basically telling God, "I can do it better," or worse, "You are not enough for me."

Waiting is hard, it's true, but waiting with the wrong attitude is even harder. It means you are not waiting in faith, not waiting with the comfort that hope in God affords. With faith in God's goodness and His unfailing promise, Abraham waited 25 years for Isaac to be born. Despite his slips along the way, Abraham had faith that God would keep His word, and he waited for Him to do so.

We who wait need to reorient our waiting in our hearts--we are not waiting for a job or a spouse or a car or any of the other "things" our heart desires--no, we are waiting for our God and our God is good.

Therefore the LORD waits to be gracious to you, and therefore he exalts himself to show mercy to you. For the LORD is a God of justice; blessed are all those who wait for him.

(Isaiah 30:18 ESV) 

I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living! Wait for the LORD; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the LORD!

(Psalm 27:13-14 ESV)

[13] For when God made a promise to Abraham, since he had no one greater by whom to swear, he swore by himself, [14] saying, “Surely I will bless you and multiply you.” [15] And thus Abraham, having patiently waited, obtained the promise. [16] For people swear by something greater than themselves, and in all their disputes an oath is final for confirmation. [17] So when God desired to show more convincingly to the heirs of the promise the unchangeable character of his purpose, he guaranteed it with an oath, [18] so that by two unchangeable things, in which it is impossible for God to lie, we who have fled for refuge might have strong encouragement to hold fast to the hope set before us. [19] We have this as a sure and steadfast anchor of the soul, a hope that enters into the inner place behind the curtain, [20] where Jesus has gone as a forerunner on our behalf, having become a high priest forever after the order of Melchizedek.

(Hebrews 6:13-20 ESV)

Author of Light

Author of light, revive my dying spright,
Redeem it from the snares of all-confounding night.
Lord, light me to thy blessed way:
For blind with worldly vain desires I wander as a stray.
Sun and moon, stars and underlights I see,
But all their glorious beams are mists and darkness being compared to thee.

Fountain of health, my soul’s deep wounds recure,
Sweet showers of pity rain, wash my uncleaness pure.
One drop of thy desired grace
The faint and fading heart can raise, and in joy’s bosom place.
Sin and death, hell and tempting fiends may rage; 

But God his own will guard, and their sharp pains and grief in time assuage.

~Thomas Campion 

 

This has been one of my favourite songs since I was about 16. The images of being blind, lost, and wounded resonated with me then and still do. I feel like I'm forever fighting "the old man" "[f]or blind with worldly vain desires I wander as a stray," but am comforted to know that there is a Fountain where I can be truly healed.